Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
