Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
