I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
