Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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