if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
