fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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