I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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