in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this boner is exhausting
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
