This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
