She said her name was "party"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's always time for handjobs
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
