Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
