Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
