don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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