drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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