today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need moral support for this bender
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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