Got a toothbrush?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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