Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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