I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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