Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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