the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
