I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
