If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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