she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
