I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
