I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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