the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?