i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.