Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??

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(702): Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks?? http://tfl.nu/ct6g

Replies (15) Good night (2886) Bad night (976)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.

(402): View more from Nebraska

but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.

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(515): Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs. (402): but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs. http://tfl.nu/7170

Replies (9) Good night (3864) Bad night (820)
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(904): View more from Florida

it glows. i had to have it.

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(904): it glows. i had to have it. http://tfl.nu/ygwq

Replies (14) Good night (5651) Bad night (1157)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

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(570): i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it? http://tfl.nu/x3ze

Replies (4) Good night (2759) Bad night (909)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

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(865): In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly. http://tfl.nu/9uwy

Replies (10) Good night (875) Bad night (4316)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.

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(615): I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this. http://tfl.nu/3o9n

Replies (11) Good night (2814) Bad night (1652)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I had to brake up with him.

(602): View more from Arizona

In my experience drinking helps.

(480): View more from Arizona

You dont want to know why?

(602): View more from Arizona

Not really. I want to drink.

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(480): I had to brake up with him. (602): In my experience drinking helps. (480): You dont want to know why? (602): Not really. I want to drink. http://tfl.nu/mwqo

Replies (27) Good night (4811) Bad night (1220)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar

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(978): Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar http://tfl.nu/tjlh

Replies (6) Good night (2339) Bad night (777)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

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(775): He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him? http://tfl.nu/kkqj

Replies (19) Good night (782) Bad night (1853)
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(+61): View more from Australia

she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.

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(+61): she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth. http://tfl.nu/joaz

Replies (3) Good night (1376) Bad night (818)
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(317): View more from Indiana

The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.

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(317): The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today. http://tfl.nu/2j3f

Replies (9) Good night (2573) Bad night (897)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.

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(918): That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates. http://tfl.nu/madm

Replies (8) Good night (2052) Bad night (666)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.

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(540): Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too. http://tfl.nu/nqk1

Replies (8) Good night (711) Bad night (1871)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?

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(724): On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone? http://tfl.nu/9ka9

Replies (4) Good night (682) Bad night (354)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.

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(513): I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried. http://tfl.nu/cu65

Replies (0) Good night (543) Bad night (137)

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