i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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