I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.