he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
