She's JV to your varsity
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
