pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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