If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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