What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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