I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
