Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
