im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
