i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
