Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
