The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
