her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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