I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
