All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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