we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
