I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
