none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
wanna go halves on a baby?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
