So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
