I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
