clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
