Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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