My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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