no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
