I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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