There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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