Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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