I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize