:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
