david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
