Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
