If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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