Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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